my ex back

You may sit and stare outside a window, watching the world change about you in ways you never noticed before because until now, your life had been moving so fast you didn’t have time to sit at the window. Now you feel like you’re life is over and can’t move forward because your ex boyfriend broke up with you. You have stopped but the world around you continues to grow and change and you can’t help but wonder what had changed in your relationship to make your boyfriend leave you.

Men have few layers to poke around in and try to decipher. They are easy to understand once you’ve been given the right binoculars to look through.

Deep down, a guy has one manly instinct that may web out but is still part of the same seed: to feel needed. This instinct branches out to such areas as being the protector, being the breadwinner, being the head figure, etc. However, some areas are more of a cause for struggle than others if the guy doesn’t feel he’s accomplished them. One of these is may be part of the reason you’re now recovering from a breakup. One instinct that a man is less likely to get over is making the ones he loves feel happy.

When a man doesn’t get the recognition for his hard work he’s going to seek a place where his efforts are appreciated. He is going to want to be admired. He’s going to want to know he can do his job and that he’s doing it well.

It’s not like you have to be sappy and superfluous in your appreciation. Actually, a guy is more likely to see through that sort of recognition and feel insulted. You should genuinely appreciative of what he does and let him know it. Don’t make him feel like a child but rather a contributing person in the relationship. Don’t be controlling and don’t belittle him. Be open and communicate your feelings with him. If he’s not making you happy, let him know and perhaps it’s best to make it on your separate ways, but if he is making you happy, he shouldn’t have to wonder if he is.

Though this isn’t the reason every man leaves a relationship, his feelings of inadequacy are certainly going to play a major role in his decision to move on. If you don’t want that to happen, take the time to show your appreciation for what he’s done for you.

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Most people view relationships as being outside of self. The problem with this is all relationships begin with us not with others. We must develop an effective relationship with self before we can extend out to connecting with others. We had a good relationship with self when we were born. In 24,999 out of 25,000 births the relationship with self was compromised at birth or by the time we were four years old. The major conflict started with mother. (We are not blaming mother, she did the best she could working under the basic dysfunctional relationship with herself she inherited from her mother. She just happens to be the person you identified with as your primary care giver in the first five years of your life.)

Functional relationships do not happen very often. More than likely your mother did not have an effective relationship with self or her husband. Unfortunately your relationship with self began to break down shortly after birth. She probably was not able to bond with you at birth either. 95% of the time you had a traumatic birth experience because the doctors either do not want to recognize birth without violence or they are ignorant there is a better more loving way to bring a baby into this world.

So where are we in finding the right path in this jungle of dysfunctional behavior patterns? Mother did not know what love was so how could she demonstrate this to you? Along with all the other rejection feelings you may have had plus feeling mother was withholding love from you, your relationship with self began to break down. It deteriorated into self rejection feeling not accepted rather than self acceptance. The more you tried to get love and recognition from mother, the more you felt rejected because she became irritated then became angry because she could not control your behavior. As a result you became angry at her for rejecting your need for love and recognition. When you realized that to push for love was getting you nowhere accept more rejection you gave up and backed down in most cases. You finally gave up by the time you were four years old. So, by four years of age you decided that mother was right and you did not know what love was. At this point any concentrated form of attention was interpreted as love because you wanted recognition and acceptance.

As a result you grew up thinking love was acceptance in any form. Hearing all the different definitions of love in the movies, on TV and music you began to accept love was external so you used your body to get love and acceptance and recognition. Did you ever wonder why so many young girls get in trouble with sex? Many times they accepted sexual relationships as being love. Girls became misdirected thinking they had to have attractive bodies to be acceptable and get recognition. As a result we find many have bulimia and anorexia eating disorders. Others who can not reduce their weight go into self rejection and depression. Many men will not even try to approach relationships for fear of rejection. They live a solitary life or become workaholics. It is a sad story when you realize most people are functioning under false beliefs. I seen reports of young girls are asking for plastic surgery to increase the size of their breasts at fourteen years old.

Relationships with self must be to the point where you can accept the seven qualities of love and make them work for yourself. This means that you have to allow yourself to validate yourself. Most people are looking for and trying to get outside validation to make themselves feel all right about them selves. If others see me as all right then I must be all right. One the outward signs if this taking over and commandeering conversations or over talking others by raising your voice to stop them from speaking. Our mind will do this if we do not feel all right about ourselves. Then it will make the assumption if people allow me to do this then I am acknowledged and being accepted. One of the major challenges we have in communication is incongruent messages. If we are working from a place of not feeling good about ourselves we will send this message out what I call meta-communication. It is a communication our mind sends out that is nonverbal. Most people may not know they are picking up the message yet they will act on it without knowing what is causing them to take or make a decision to do something. We must clear the incongruent messages our mind is sending out if we expect to get acceptance and validation. It may take some work to delete all the files.

If your parents had an effective relationship with themselves and each other then there is a possibility they have could helped you build an effective relationship with yourself. If you were the exception who had parents that either came from a functional family or they recognized the mistakes their parents made then you may have the opportunity to grow up in a functional family. If your parents recognized the conflicts which caused them to be imprinted with negative behavior or you choose to stop the vicious circle then you may understand the process of reparenting. If your parents were able to recognize this viscous circle of handing off their parents dysfunctional relationship to their children you were fortunate to have parents with vision and awareness. As you can see from many examples it does not guarantee you will have successful relationships unless you have cleared all the skeletons in your closet.

At this point what you start to recognize is that most people play roles in their life to meet their needs. One of the major roles people play is Father/Daughter and Mother/Son. As you recover your lost self and grow up again you can see how you may have fell into that role. Partnerships in these roles fall apart as one partner begins to see they do not want to play that role any longer. If both Partners can grow up that is great but it usually does not happen. On the other hand many times partners break up with out ever finding out why the partnership did not work. They go out looking for a new partner, yet they find the same person with different cloths and a different name but with the same behavior patterns. Since they did not explore the reasons why the first one did not work they will end up in and ill fated partnership again which will fall apart due to not evaluating the situation which caused the breakup in the beginning. Everybody has different experiences, yet they are all similar in nature. Our mind is a very complex computer. It will make decisions for us until we take control back. Most of the time, the decisions are not what we would do if we had control. This is why I say most people have similar experiences as everybody has the same mind set that makes all the same decisions until we get in control of our mind set and behavior patterns.

To get to these programs we have to go through our minds files like peeling an onion. Each layer will reveal another layer below it. When we peel most of them off then we begin to take control of our life. As we move into more control we can empower ourselves to work from a point of power rather than fear. Once we have understood and been able to apply the concepts of the qualities of love to ourselves then we have to begin by applying them in our relationships with other people. It is almost amazing how people will respond to us when we have a congruent message coming from our own mind. As we remove all the behavior patterns that caused us to act out in the need for control we find that we do not need control any longer since nobody is threatening us any longer. It was all a perceived threat not a real threat. We find we can cooperate with others with no need to be in control. As we move into this new space of comfort we find that we begin to release stress. There really is not any stress there are only stressful people. When you do not react to the stress it does not affect you. As you move from the place of neediness you begin to demand that people treat you in a different way. It is not like becoming pushy an outwardly demanding respect you just begin to avoid people who are not operating in your reality. It is almost like you view the situation and if it does not meet your needs you drop it and say next. There is no need to make an issue out of it. If the shoe does not fit discard it. You are now becoming more comfortable in your life because nothing is driving you for acceptance and validation. It fits better with no awkwardness. You do not have to play roles to get acceptance. You have a lot more energy because you are not fighting with yourself to play a role to fit in.

In reparenting ourselves we discover all the imprinted programs which we received from our parents which set up the roles we play. So we get to the point of asking ourselves. “Whose life are we living? A replay of our parents or the life we choose to live.” Usually we find it sure is not the life we thought we were living. The Native American “said you can not understand my life unless you have walked in my moccasins for a month”

Now that we have grown up we can take our power back, take responsibility and start on the path to a new life. The choice is yours are you ready for peace, happiness, harmony, joy, unconditional love and abundance in your life? There area lot of bridges to cross and many boulders to push out of the path, yet I know you can do if you apply yourself to the task. It can be a smooth transition or a very long complicated ordeal if you chose to make it this way. It all depends on your willingness to let go of the past. All it takes is the ability to forgive and accept your caregivers who wrote programs into your data base. Many times they did it without knowing what they were doing. Now that you have released them you are living your life.

"stop my break up" get the skilled help you want!

I’ve had some time to do some reading lately and I’ve managed to come across a few really interesting posts that I thought I’d let everyone know about. Check em out and let me know your thoughts on some of the topics they talked about within -

How to fix my relationhip and stop a breakup | Get Ex Back | Break …

How to fix my relationhip and stop a breakup. By admin | Saturday, April 18th, 2009 | Relationship Tips. If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting! There are many ways to fix relationships. … Read More…

%post_id% | Why Did He Break Up With Me? I Really Thought We Were …

Why did he break up with me? Its often the first thing on our minds when an unexpected breakup comes along. Its such a shock! Nothing is worse than a breakup we dont want to happen and its an extremely painful process. … Did you stop making yourself pretty for him, dressing nicely and wearing makeup? He needs to know that you think he is worth the effort of looking great and keeping his interest. * Were you guilty of hen pecking him by nagging him too much? … Read More…

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Hope you enjoy the read as much as I did and please if you have something to say, use the comments form below to let everyone know your thoughts.

Have a great day!

"stop my break up" get the skilled help you want!

I’ve had some time to do some reading lately and I’ve managed to come across a few really interesting posts that I thought I’d let everyone know about. Check em out and let me know your thoughts on some of the topics they talked about within -

How to make money fast SPIDERWEB SYSTEM | Freeze Foreclosure

belginpoop Says: 28.04.09 at 1:56 am. i signed up for the i signed up for the spiderweb system, i wateched some videos but how do you start the marketing and making money? and how do you do it? … Read More…

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‘Double Dippers’ Get Pension, Paycheck – Money News Story – KPHO …

Officials from the Arizona retirement system helped write a bill this year that would make up for the lack of contributions to the system; however, due to the state's budget crisis, the bill does not appear to be moving through the … Read More…

Hope you enjoy the read as much as I did and please if you have something to say, use the comments form below to let everyone know your thoughts.

Have a great day!

"stop my break up" get the skilled help you want!

It takes a long time to build a relationship. But it does not take long to destroy it. In fact, the cycle of failure needs no pushing; it gathers its own momentum. And once it does so, it becomes very difficult to stop it or put it in reverse gear.

The important thing is to stop the cycle of failure from moving on its own. This can only be done if the two partners realize what’s happening. One of them has to step forward, and stop the relationship from cracking.

Often it is men who are responsible for the emerging cracks in a relationship. This happens when they are overambitious or move up the ladder. They get so obsessed with their work that they forget their spouses. The distances increase, and a rift develops.

A relationship may also get affected if the man enters into another relationship. By doing so, he only makes life difficult for himself. The more he tries to hide his new relationship the more he complicates things.

There may be several other reasons for relationship failure but their effect invariably is the same.

Early signs of relationship failure

The first signs of a relationship that is in trouble are:

1. Man spending less time with his partner

2. A sharp spurt in arguments and quarrels over inconsequential issues

3. A gradual erosion of trust in each other

4. Sharp drop in lovemaking and sex life

5. Both start finding fault in each other.

How can men transform a breaking relationship

It is important for men to notice the growing signs of rift and disaffection. They cannot continue to live in their own world and allow a loving relationship to fall apart. The best is to act early and limit the damage.

This requires some introspection. The men first need to understand why the relationship has run into rough weather. Why is it that their spouse has become so touchy? Is it because they have started taking their spouse for granted? This happens in most relationships. The man gets so involved in his work that he forgets that his spouse altogether.

Things reach such a pass that a man has to make notes in his appointment diary of the lunch or dinner dates he needs to keep free for his wife. The spontaeniety that first characterized their relationship vanishes. The wife has to wait for her husband to find time for her. This leads to first boredom, then anger and then depression. In some cases, it may even force women to find another relationship that can keep them occupied. The man must act before this happens.

The cancer of suspicion

In many cases the relationship is torn by suspicion. The woman may have reason to believe that her man is carrying on with someone else. In some cases, it may only be suspicion. But in some cases, a flirtation can become a dangerous extra-marital relationship.

The man has to assure his wife that there is no other woman in his life. He cannot allow an extra-marital affair to come in the way of a long and happy relationship. He has to break off any ties that he may have developed if he has to save his relationship.

He will also have to show remorse at what he did. He will have to bend and beg forgiveness. More than that, he will have to assure his wife that this will not happen again. He will be lucky if he is forgiven. He can surely anticipate the chill to continue for some more time. It is for him to ensure that he wins his wife’s affection again.

In case, the chill is the result of suspicion alone then the man must demand an explanation. However, he should do with finesse. There is no reason why he should put his wife on the back foot. He is not settling scores or avenging a hurt. He is trying to rebuild trust in the relationship. He therefore needs to clear the air of any misgivings that his wife may have started entertaining. At the same time, he must start devoting more time to her.

Don’t forget respect

No relationship can be complete unless both the partners trust each other. They also need to treat each other with respect. In fact, mutual respect is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Any man who runs his woman down can never expect the relationship to last.

The man must create space within which the woman must feel comfortable. She must not be made to feel small in front of friends or children. The man must convey his points deftly without hurting a woman’s pride. He must also listen to her with full courtesy and seriousness. This alone can save many a relationship.

"stop my break up" get the skilled help you want!

I’ve had some time to do some reading lately and I’ve managed to come across a few really interesting posts that I thought I’d let everyone know about. Check em out and let me know your thoughts on some of the topics they talked about within -

Experiments in Technology: Teaching the Declaration of …

Teaching the Declaration of Independence as Break Up Letter. Great use of storytelling to really engage students in a concept! This is quickly becoming a must for educators, just listen how quickly those kids get into it. … Read More…

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Hope you enjoy the read as much as I did and please if you have something to say, use the comments form below to let everyone know your thoughts.

Have a great day!

"stop my break up" get the skilled help you want check offer page

I’ve had some time to do some reading lately and I’ve managed to come across a few really interesting posts that I thought I’d let everyone know about. Check em out and let me know your thoughts on some of the topics they talked about within -

What does the Phillies’ rotation look like at the All-Star break …

He just needs to stop giving up HRs and walks. He's still rocking the 2nd spot at the break. Jamie Moyer once again continues to defy Father Time. He's leading the rotation in wins again with a 3-1 record after 4 starts, … Read More…

Miley Cyrus Wants to Break Up With Justin Gaston and Get Back With …

"Hannah Montana" leading actress Miley Cyrus wants to break up with current boyfriend Justin Gaston since she is desperate to rekindle her romance with "first love" Nick Jonas, New York Daily News' Gatecrasher has reported. "Miley and Nick want to … Nick's parents have this rule that when a girl is over, the door has to be open, but that didn't stop Nick and Miley from making out," claims Gatecrasher's insider, adding that both Disney stars were "very sweet together." … Read More…

Don’t blame yourself for a relationship breakup

I've come to the conclusion that the reason relationships break up is not always our fault, so stop blaming yourself. These guys or women have faults, they don't appreciate what they have when they have it. They let good women go, … Read More…

Hope you enjoy the read as much as I did and please if you have something to say, use the comments form below to let everyone know your thoughts.

Have a great day!

"stop my break up" get the skilled help you want check offer page

Im Still In Love With My Ex But I Think Its Over For Good – is it possible to get your ex back if she’s sleeping

If you’re saying “I’m still in love with my ex,” but you feel like it’s finally over for good, then you need to stop looking on dark side and think positively.  There are plenty of relationships that look as if they’re over, but the reality is that people find a way back together. 

Before you launch into a full on attempt to win back your love, make sure your relationship is a relationship that should be saved!  Too often relationships that should remain dead are revived with dire consequences.  So ask yourself this: “did your relationship involve Continue Reading »

Technorati Tags: back together, back with ex, love my ex, win my love

Tags: back together, back with ex, love my ex, win my love

how can i get my ex to come back ive begged and begged

How To Win Your Ex Back Using Simple Reverse Psychology

Figuring out how to win your ex back using reverse psychology might sound complicated, but it really isn’t.  All it means is using some straightforward methods that are designed to get your ex to sit up and take notice of you instead of ignoring you.

Your first step towards how to win your ex back involves you determining to make no contact with them. That means no texting, no calling and definitely no trying to see them.  This might seem counter-intuitive to your ultimate goal, but look at it this way: if you stop calling your ex, especially when they’ve made it clear that they don’t want to be contacted, then you appear calm, mature and in control of yourself.  Once your ex begins to see you this way you are immediately more appealing than the desperate person you were who was bombarding them with calls. ex back report here

Furthermore, this simple reverse psychology means Continue Reading »

Technorati Tags: back together, break up, ex back, get my ex back

Tags: back together, break up, ex back, get my ex back

how to stop calling my ex after a break up

How To Win Ex Girlfriend Back With An Apology

No doubt all you can think about now she’s walked out on you is how to win ex girlfriend back.  Possibly you didn’t realize that you loved her, or perhaps how much you loved her, until she walked out on you and now you’re in pain and desperate to figure out how to win ex girlfriend back.

Well here’s some information that will help you as you try to figure out the right moves that will help you  get her back in your arms.

You might have made some mistakes, we’ve all been there, so don’t beat yourself up!  The most constructive thing to do right now is Continue Reading »

Technorati Tags: back together, breakup, get ex back, love my ex

Tags: back together, breakup, get ex back, love my ex